What is the one thing you don't want to add to a stressful driving experience? (In this case, stressful was remembering to drive on the left-hand side of the road and watch out for smooth sections of road (Why should you watch for smooth sections? We were in St Croix for our vacation. I've written about the roads and general driving before. This year, it looks like maintaining the roads got away from them, (kinda like spring cleaning) and it was actually easier to assume the road was a giant pot hole. The conversation usually went like this:
“Didn't you see that pot hole?” from my wife.
“That was us coming out of the pot hole.”
I think she usually had some other comment, but I couldn't hear it because my ears were popping as we descended into another pot hole.)
That one thing you don't want to add is two passengers of the female gender. My wife was hopped up on caffeine and my daughter was channeling an auctioneer. Both were talking to me, carrying on completely different conversations (In my daughter's case, her conversation had at least three separate themes that I was supposed to keep straight.)
We were heading back to Cane Bay to pick up my son from the first part of his scuba certification. So, to the best of my recollection, the topics I was being bombarded with were:
How big were the waves at Cane Bay (I made the mistake of saying they were sweet baby killer waves. Both my daughter and my wife explained in great detail that this meant the waves killed babies, and my daughter added that every year they had different ways of describing the waves, and this year, killer and baby were definitely not allowed to be in the description, even when properly punctuated (I proposed sweet killer waves, baby.).
When were we getting star fruit, because you can't have a vacation without star fruit. Also, we should take the seeds back with us and plant them. Her friends didn't know how good star fruit was. She could take a picture, but it would be much better to have the actual fruit.
My daughter missed her friends. Every summer she doesn't get to see them (because there is no school) and this summer, she again didn't get to see them at all! (At least she's good at noticing patterns. I didn't mention that she saw her friends every Monday at girl scouts. She also saw her friends at girl scout camp the week before we left. We've also had her friends over to play...)
I also take inappropriate pictures. The picture of her I used for the cover of my book (which you can buy on amazon.com, just search for Jack Dayett, it's called Surviving Childhood and Raising Special Needs Parents) was not taken with her permission and it is very embarrassing that millions of people have seen it. (I didn't mention that with my readership well into the mid-single digits, millions might be a bit high.) I should only take pictures when she is ready. That spawned a side conversation on the weirdest sleeping picture contest that we have every year. (For more info on that, check out the archives from August two years ago.) She thought for a couple of minutes and said it was ok, as long as they weren't published globally.
My wife's conversation was centered around the fact the our daughter had come out of her shell. (Along with a growth spurt that added about three inches to her height, she's also lost her fear of boys. Now they are just icky. She definitely is not going to get married unless they change the kiss thing to a fist bump. That might be acceptable, but kissing is out of the picture.)
So, we were having a nice drive through the island. (The people on St Croix are some of the nicest drivers you will ever meet. Going the wrong way down a one-way street or even driving on the wrong side of the road does not seem to bother them in the slightest. (My wife on the other hand is quick to point out both these errors, but she doesn't adapt to the island life as fast as I do.) I had the radio on to drown out the conversations, but each time I turned it up, they both talked louder. Luckily, all I had to do was hit a pot hole and all conversations stopped while they waited to see if the car was going to keep running. Thankfully, there is no shortage of potholes.
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